Strangers May Become Close Friends ~ Bloggerin Info

Fear of strangers is usual for people. It happens to all of us. We feel that there is nothing to talk about. The problem is, we don't know what we have to give and share. We feel we are not interesting---a really wrong self-judgement. Every person is unique. Most people are interesting.

ONCE I was going home by bus and sitting right beside me was a beautiful girl. On the way there we were just silent, although deep in my heart I really wanted to break the silence and talk with her and get to know her. But I was tongue-tied. Perhaps, this was because the other day I had a bad experience with a stranger I wanted to talk to. She gave the cold look---one that would freeze even the most energetic salesman's enthusiastic heart. I didn't know why she acted so badly. Maybe she had had a bad experience with a stranger before. In response, I felt afraid of her: a stranger who just happened to be a really beautiful girl.

So I just kept silent during the one hour trip. We reached the first bus station where I change buses. Unfortunately, there was no bus so I had to wait. The girl who had sat beside me seemed to have the same intention. She had gotten off and was standing near the line of foodstalls in the bus station. She looked at her wrist watch every now and then.

Curious, and in need of a friend to talk to, I walked forward and asked her if she was going to the same destination as I. She smile and nodded. We then got involved in a warm conversation. To my surprise, she and I were form the same town. She told me that actually she was as curious about me as I was about her. I didn't feel that waiting for the bus was a nuisance any longer. We continued our conversation even after the bus came. With a friend to accompany me, it was a nice trip. I didn't even realize it when we arrived at our village.

At parties, we often we don't know how to behave or what to say to people we don't know. In job interviews, we are usually nervous because we want to impress the interviewers. On a journey when we meet interesting-looking people, we are often unsure how to start a conversation.

Fear of strangers is usual for people. It happens to all of us. We feel that there is nothing to talk about. The problem is, we don't know what we have to give and share. We feel we are not interesting---a really wrong self-judgement. Every person is unique. Most people are interesting. Dorothy Sarnoff writes in her book, Speech Can Change Your Life, that "there really is something wonderful about every imperfect, mixed-up uncertain human being."

If we know how to meet people and to start a conversation, we are sure to widen the circle of our acquaintances. This will surely enrich our lives. Some believe that having a lot of friends, acquaitances, keeping these relationship will make us live longer. Life will also be easier financially. Whether this is right or wrong, it is a fact that those who have many friends look happier than those who have none.

We don't have to be afraid of strangers just because we don't know them yet. The charm of strangers lies in the fact that we have never met them before. Isn't it right that our close friends were once strangers? They couldn't be born directly as your friends without introduction, could they?

THERE are some approaches we can take to break the ice of silence when we encounter strangers and we want to talk with them.

1. Comment honestly on how you are feeling

At a party you may start talking with a person who seems ready to listen by saying, I'm a stranger here. I'm shy." This open utterance will surely make him at ease with you because he may be feeling the same way as you. The best conversationalist is the one who has the wit and courage to be honest, not those who look stiff and unfriendly.

2. Talk about the surroundings.

When you are on the bus or train and you are interested in approaching a person you don't know yet, try to comment on surroundings. If you see that there is fertile rice field out there, comment about it in such a way that she is able to hear you and is aware that you are talking to her.

3. Say something about your companion.

A little praise about her fresh face or her smile might open the door to a conversation with the girl you are sitting beside. Or try to give the person you have never met a comment about the book or you are really want to know about it.

4. Ask questions

Most conversations with a stranger usually start with a question. But if you want a long answer, don't ask a yes/no question. If you love to improvise, try the guessing game. Once I broke the ice of silence with a girl sitting beside me on a bus by guessing. I turned to look at her subtly and said, "You must be a nurse!"

She smiled broadly and said, "How did you know?"

I laughed, thinking that she was trapped by my approach, and answered, "Because you smell like drugs."

She burst out laughing (the other people there turned their heads to look at us). "O yeach, really?" And she sniffed her flowered shirt. A week later, I paid her a visit in her a visit in her dormitory behind one of the best hospitals in town.

5. Listen to answers.

Half of a good conversation is in the listening. There can be no real dialogue without listening. (Read the previous edition: Be a good speaker, listen!) There can be no real dialogue without listening.

But listening is an art. Look at your new acquaintance as she talks. Respon in a way that will encourage her to continue. That way, your listening can be active, not passive. Such as a conversation will help you discover and understand each other.